I've heard stories of couples who go through an adoption process and then a couple years later they file for divorce. I found myself thinking that if they were in a bad marriage and heading towards divorce why would you want to adopt a child. Well, I think after going through the process of an adoption I can better understand what brought them to that decision. These couples probably had no idea where their marriage was headed when they began the adoption process. As I've mentioned previously, the process of an international adoption changes you. In my opinion, there's no way you can go through it and not be changed whether for the good or for the worst. It can either create a great bond between spouses or it can create a great division.
Thankfully as we approach the end of chapter one in our adoption journey (bringing her home) Matt and I can say that our marriage is better and stronger because of it. Looking back over the past 18 months we can see how God not only used this experience to draw us closer to Him but also closer to each other. Neither one of us are big touchy, feely kind of people and neither one of us get to emotional about things. We are both strong, independent people who tend to go about our lives in a very safe, routine, predictable and comfortable fashion just sharing life together. We've never really experienced any significant mountain top highs or valley lows in our life together. Adoption has changed that.
By the end of January of 2010 it became apparent to us both (God was stirring our hearts yet again) that this part of the process was more about us and our relationship than it was about a child. We believed from the moment we made the decision to adopt that God knew our child. And if that's true then He also knows the perfect time to unite us with our child. The question that remained was why are we still waiting more than a year later. That question was answered by searching the scriptures (James 1 and II Corinthians 4:17 to be exact) and at that point we knew this journey was far from over. We still had a lot of growing to do and it probably wasn't going to be easy.
From that point on we found ourselves at a place of complete brokenness. Broken spirits, broken hearts, broken dreams, broken ___, you can fill in the blank and it probably would apply. During this time of brokenness we were forced to look to each other for strength and support. We were forced to be vulnerable and to talk about feelings and details that are not easy to share. Prior to this experience I can't think of a time in our relationship where we cried together. Now we've shared tears of sadness, despair, doubt, frustration and now many tears of joy together. After 11 years together, we've learned something new about each other. An area that was "off limits" before is now open and it's "safe" to experience these kind of moments together.
There were moments when our faith was challenged and it became a struggle to trust God and His promises. The great thing about that was every time there was a challenge God would answer with a scripture verse or words from others that provided the encouragement to keep trusting in Him. Praise God that we can speak of this trial as something that made our marriage stronger.
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