We continue to wait

As I post an update of all that has transpired over the past week it's hard to know where to start. This past week has been an emotional roller coaster for us and we aren't comfortable sharing a lot of the details. At this time we are asking our friends and family to continue to pray but also provide us with privacy to work through this part of the process without feeling like we need to explain or justify our decisions. For now I'll share a little with you:

We received a third referral of a child from the DOE. This time the referral was for a one year old girl. Unfortunately this little girl has some very serious medical conditions and we have to send another decline letter. Our prayer has been that we have great clarity when making these decisions and that has definitely been provided in each case. With that clarity we have a great peace about the decisions made; however, there are a lot of other emotions and feelings that go along with these decisions. When we sign that decline letter it feels like we are saying "you're not good enough for us". While this is not the case, it still breaks your heart and you grieve the loss of each child. Right now the best thing we can compare this to is how one must feel after a miscarriage. After three "miscarriages" we are guarded and it's hard to share and be excited about the process. We hope you understand and continue to ask for your prayers. I have listed some specific prayer requests on the right side of this blog.

We know God is in control and continue to see His hand on this process. This week I've been clinging to the following thought: my God is big enough and my faith is strong enough to overcome my feelings which are fleeting and ever changing.

Trusting in God's perfect timing while we continue to wait...

More questions and paperwork

We got home from the cruise to find a few e-mails from our adoption agency.  In one of the e-mails was another questionaire that they need us to complete before we travel.  This questionaire seemed like it was 145 billion pages long.  Okay, maybe only 8 pages but it was indeed that overwhelming.  I think in theory the questionaire is a really good tool but WOW.  It included lots of questions about how we will react to hypothetical situations and then it got into all the big things.  They wanted to know who we were going to use for a pediatrician, for eyes, for dentist, etc., etc., etc.  It really hadn't dawned on me that we were to a point in the process where we need to be thinking about those things.  I guess that's why they send this questionaire out.  Anyway, I was quite overwhelmed and the only place I knew to start was with the Vet that sees Dudley and Sally!!  Thankfully I have many wonderful friends who have come to my rescue.  After posting a note on Facebook and sending a few e-mails, I received lots of good feedback and have some names to follow up on.  I don't think there are any right or wrong answers to the questions and they don't really care who we use for services.  I think the intention is to get us thinking, to ensure we are thorough and to provide us with some good resources down the road.  If  so, then MISSION ACCOMPLISHED after only a minor melt down due to information overload.  Now we just have to sit down and start putting the answers on paper....more paperwork!  After almost 14 months of "pregnancy" my belly has actually gotten smaller but our adoption binder has been upgraded to the largest binder we could find and it continues to grow.

An Unexpected Blessing

We really enjoyed our cruise this past week.  What a great way to relax and enjoy time together before the busyness of tax season starts and kids fill our days.  After we arrived back in Ft. Lauderdale we had to take a shuttle back to the airport from the ship.  The ride probably takes no more than 10-15 minutes.  On the shuttle ride we began visiting with the couple sitting behind us.  Steve and Jane were their names and they are from the LA area.  If I had to guess I would say they were probably in their 60s and they were obviously frequent cruisers.  We started visiting with them about cruising but quickly found out that they were believers as well.  So, we spent time talking about our faith which led us to share about our adoption journey.  They were so encouraging and very excited for us. Steve and Jane were the first couple to get off the shuttle so we exchanged names as Jane vowed to pray for our adoption.  A minute later Jane came back onto the shuttle after collecting her luggage.  She approached us and handed me a $100 bill and said it was for our baby.  We were so blessed by the generosity of a complete stranger.  Most of all I am so thankful for the prayers they will be lifting up on our behalf.  One more time God has provided us with a bit of encouragement and confirmation when we needed it the most. Not sure what we will put the money towards but I plan to put it towards the purchase of something specific so we will have a reminder of this act of love that was bestowed upon us by fellow believers in Christ.