Choices

Last Wednesday was a really tough day. From the time Sasha woke up to the time she finally fell asleep things just weren't fun for her. She paced the house most of the day not content with any toy or game or anything else we tried. As she had to do at the baby home to be noticed, she tends to act out seeking negative attention. This was her approach to everything that day. By the time Matt got home I was in desperate need of a break. As I tried to separate myself from the day and refocus I found myself asking why: why did we choose to do this and why did we give up the the lifestyle we had before?

As if someone sitting next to me blurted it out, the answer came back loud and clear. We did not choose to change our life. We chose to be obedient to what God was calling us to do. God never promised an easy life to those who serve Him. We are going to have challenges and obstacles to overcome as a result of our obedience. More than likely the challenges will be even greater as God continues to work in our life which often takes us outside of our comfort zone.

With each passing day as parents of a two year old we see our comfort zone fade further and further into the distance. Nothing about life these days is comfortable for us. Thankfully we have friends and family to share our frustrations with and be encouraged by. Then there are those moments when we look at Sasha and are so thankful God has brought her to us.

I started thinking about all those we know called to serve as missionaries in far away places. No question their decision of obedience is also life changing. After spending three weeks in a foreign country I have a much greater appreciation for the choice these friends have made. Whether we are influencing the lives of many or the life of one little girl, God will remain faithful to those who are called according to His purpose.

One month update

It was one month ago yesterday that Sasha officially became a member of our family. I can’t believe it’s been a month already although each day it gets a little harder to remember life without her. She’s come a long way in a months time. We continue to shelter her some by not taking her many places and not having a lot of new people over. This has really helped her connect with us and learn who family is which is so important. She’s never had different levels of people in her life. One caregiver is no different from another so establishing the significance of parents and family is a strange idea to her. This past weekend she got to webcam with her cousins on the west coast for the first time. We kept it short and she did really well with them. We’ve been looking at pictures and video of family so that has helped the introductions to be less overwhelming as well.

With each week that goes by she feels a little more comfortable and something that was previously off limits becomes okay. For example up to now I would randomly rub her back or head and she would immediately move away from me. However this week when I did it she liked it and wanted me to do it again. I even was able to use this touch to calm and relax her at bedtime one night this week. She apparently is ready to open herself up just a little more. This kind of touching is great for bonding so what a blessing that she is willing to allow a little more skin to skin touch. Her ability to hold eye contact with us gets better and longer all the time as well. We have some games and play time things that we do to try and increase this since it is also an important factor in her attachment process.

Today we visited the zoo and all she’s talked about since are the monkeys. We only saw a few things and stayed a short time but it still proved to be quite stimulating for her. Even good stimulation which makes her happy is tough because she doesn’t know how to handle it. Her instincts are to use the same survival skills that served her well at the baby home. So, bed time and nap time proved to be a little bit of a challenge today. At least we are learning more and more about how she responds to things so we were prepared to handle it tonight.

While at the zoo a friend, Anna, picked up on something interesting that we hadn‘t even noticed. In Russia they point at something or gesture using their entire hand and this is how Sasha addressed things when Anna first met her a week or so ago. Today Anna noticed right away that Sasha would point at something using her finger. I find this interesting because we can verbally hear how she’s learning English but something like this is an automatic response. Knowing that some of her automatic responses are beginning to make the transition from Russian culture to American culture definitely shows how well and how quickly she is adjusting to her new environment. In addition, over the past week or two she has really taken an interest in her books. Several times a day she’ll bring a book out and want to sit and read. We then proceed to read through every book in her room!

Something else that’s kind of interesting has taken place at dinner time. We always sit down and eat dinner together at the table and we always say grace before we eat. Matt and I always hold hands and we place our other hand on the table next to Sasha. Just this past week she has begun taking our hands and holding them during prayer time. Each day she holds on just a little longer and tonight when we finished she actually copied us and said Amen!

So in a months time here is a highlights list of Sasha's firsts:
1. Her first English word (bye bye which is the only word she knew on our first visit)
2. First bath in an actual bathtub
3. First airplane ride
4. First visit to Red Square
5. Befriended two rather large dogs
6. First time in a big swimming pool
7. First time using the webcam
8. First bubble bath
9. First trip to the zoo
10. First time having her own room and her own toys
11. First time having her toenails painted
12. Probably the first time she’s been actually tucked into bed.
13. First time having a mama and papa who love her!

Even though we started life with her at two, we sure don’t feel like we have missed out on to many firsts. A lot of the first time things come because a parent has been there to love, nurture and guide their child. Sasha never had that so it makes sense we get to experience a lot of firsts with her.

Sasha at the zoo!

Today Sasha visited the zoo for the first time. We have an awesome zoo here that you can easily spend an entire day admiring. We only looked at a couple exhibits today which took well over an hour because Sasha loved the animals. This was basically her first big outing since we've been home and she did really well. We went with a friend that has been over to play once prior to this. She interacted very well today with Aiden and his mama which is a really good sign as well. I suspect we'll be making many more visits to the zoo!

Another scrapbooking design by Smilebox

Play-doh

Today we got out the play-doh and Sasha really enjoyed it. I wasn't sure if this was something she would know or not and a little hesitant to introduce it to her. She's gained a good understanding of English already but I envisioned a tantrum when she couldn't eat it. To my surprise she accepted that restriction after only one try and continued to play with it very well. She even helped sweep up the remnants left on the kitchen floor when it was time to put it away. When it comes to housework she's very helpful!

We also got out the coloring books today and she enjoyed "coloring". Her word of the day is crayon. We repeated the word over and over and over as we played with the crayons and identified their colors. It's fun to listen to her when she grasps a new word. On Sunday her word was pillow which she continues to use a lot and enjoys locating the pillows in various areas of the house. We've also worked on shapes and her favorite is the circle. She can find a circle just about anywhere and is fascinated by the word. The other thing that has really captured her attention is the see and say. I think she knows every animal on it and their sounds. Interestingly, she's able to take what she's learned from the toy and transfer it to real animals or books with great accuracy.

We continue to bond with her and see some good signs that she's bonding with us. Of course we have our challenges and setbacks as well. It's hard to discern what things are significant issues pertaining to adoption and what is just typical two year old behavior. As much as she jabbers I don't know if I should even say it but I will. I look forward to the day when she can begin expressing her feelings verbally. Although she may never stop talking once she starts, it will be reassuring to have a better idea of what's motivating her.

Citizenship

Today I was reading in Ephesians chapter 2 and verses 19-22 really stuck out to me. “So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God’s holy people. You are members of God’s family….” I’ve read this verse several times before but today it has new meaning. As I read it I recalled the moment when we got off the plane with Sasha and waited in the line at customs. We were so tired yet so anxious to walk up to that window with her papers in hand. We were proud of our country and that Sasha was about to become a U.S. Citizen. For us this was one of the most celebrated moments in the process of bringing her home. Court, getting her birth and adoption certificates, picking her up at the baby home, getting her packet at the embassy; those were all memorable and important moments but we did not experience the same sense of pride and joy as we did watching her Russian visa get “THE STAMP”. As I recall those fond memories and the pride we felt at that moment I have to ask myself if God feels that way each time someone accepts Jesus and becomes a member of His family. How glorious a moment that must be in heaven.

I also think to myself how life changed for me at the moment I became a citizen of God’s kingdom. Did I really believe and understand all the opportunities that lie ahead and how different my life would be as a result? We are excited to see what opportunities Sasha will have as an American. Opportunities that would have never been possible living in an orphanage in Russia. It’s a blessing beyond words to know that our obedience to God’s leading has changed the life of one child. Sasha has a new citizenship that will forever change her life. As Christians we get that same opportunity when we become a citizen of God’s kingdom. I don’t think I completely understood the significance of this concept before Sasha’s adoption.

I’ve said before that the process of adoption changes you. I’m also finding that being a parent of an adopted child continues to change you. I feel like we now have a pair of “adoption glasses” on by which we view the world. Similar to wearing 3D glasses at a movie, details in life now stick out a little bit differently. The journey doesn't end with a stamp or a single action. Now we begin the journey of raising Sasha in a home that will once again provide her an opportunity for a new citizenship….one that will lead her to know her Heavenly father.

Big Day

Today was a big day for the Carr household. Matt returned to work after having the entire month of May off. He went to work before Sasha was awake so when she got up she didn't understand why he wasn't here. We looked at her original picture album and talked about papa going bye-bye which seemed to help. Then we got one of papa's t-shirts and she ran around with it on for awhile. That seemed to provide her with the comfort she was looking for and we had a good morning.

This afternoon was Sasha's first big outing since arriving home and it was to the doctor. We had planned this appointment to be a meet and greet which would allow the doctor to get acquainted with Sasha and to go over the information we received on Sasha's medical background. Her doctor is a female which I think helps since the associations Sasha has from the baby home are of a male doctor. Sasha did great with her appointment and to celebrate the outing we stopped at McDonalds for an ice cream cone on the way home.

The doctor was very impressed with Sasha today. She couldn't believe how well Sasha followed our instructions and at the amount of English she was speaking. She also found Sasha to be right on track. She doesn't think Sasha is delayed development wise at all and her measurements are right where they should be. Doctor had no concerns and found Sasha to be in really good health. None of this was new to us as this is what we were told by the baby home doctor and the doctor in Moscow as well. However, hearing it from our own doctor really feels good and is reassuring. We didn't realize how much doubt we had about the foreign doctors and their analysis. They are all more than qualified but when you are in a different country and in a stressful transition it's hard to trust people. What great words of encouragement we heard today from the pediatrician.