God Sightings: part 3

We received Sasha's referral on Wed (2/17).  With the emotions  of our previous referral still very real it was hard to be excited about another referral.   Our initial response was one of fact, we will send her information to the specialist we had contracted with and have it evaluated.  Since we got the referral late on Wed it was considered Thurs morning when the doctor received the information.  Therefore it would be Monday before we would hear from her to go over the evaluations  All weekend long we struggled with a lot of emotions.  While we tried to remain objective it became harder and harder to do that while we waited on her call. We started experiencing glimpses of excitement and hope but were quick to stifle them so we wouldn't be disappointed again.  

Sunday (2/21) while we were singing worship songs at the beginning of the church service a verse came to my mind:  Be still and know that I am God.  These words kept running through my head as we continued on.  Once we sat down for the sermon I asked Matt what the scripture reference was and he said Psalms something.  So then I asked a friend sitting next to me and he wasn't sure either.  So as the sermon went on we were all thumbing through our bibles looking for this verse.  Finally, we found it:  Psalms 46:10.  Later that day my sister called and  invited us over for dinner.  When we arrived at their house she showed me where she had been doing some decorating.  She had put a verse up in their living room and it was Psalms 46:10.  Then when Monday morning came around I had an e-mail from my sister-in-law.  She had been doing her morning devotion and we just kept coming to her mind.  She wanted to share with us that devotional and it was on Psalms 46:10.  Ironically enough she was running behind that day so she didn't use her current devotional book.  She had an extra minute a little while later so she grabbed a book they had in the kitchen and happened to open it to this page for a quick moment with God.   

God definitely had a message for us to hear and he wasn't just speaking to us, he was shouting!  This verse has since brought us so much peace and comfort. We know without a doubt what Sasha's life verse is going to be.  Although it may be more accurate to say what our family verse is going to be.  

God uses His word to speak to us all the time.  I know in our home we are often to busy to take the time to listen.  I'm so grateful that God is willing to go to extreme measures to make sure we hear His voice and to remind us of His promises.  

Psalm 46:10  (NIV)  "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

God Sightings: part 2

As I've previously mentioned, Sasha was the fourth child we had received information on since November, 2008.  Turning down the 3 previous children was very difficult and an emotional time for us.  We really struggled with the "why us" questions over and over again.  Little did we know what God was preparing us for.

Our first visit to the baby home was spent primarily with the baby home doctor going over Sasha's records.  We were feeling overwhelmed before we even arrived at the baby home, just nerves of seeing Sasha for the first time was difficult enough.  While we sat in the doctor's office the doctor and our translator talked back and forth and every so often the translator would stop and explain what was said.  This was also very overwhelming for us.  We just aren't used to being in a room with conversation going on and not understanding a word of it. 

They continued to discuss Sasha's health and then it started happening.  The doctor began stating other diagnoses that Sasha had that were not included with her original medical information provided to us.  Immediately doubts were raised and our minds started swirling.  Our worst nightmare was coming true, or so it seemed.  

Because of the 3 children we had declined, we had become educated on a lot of medical issues and things that affect children in an orphanage.  We learned about several diagnoses that are often given or attached to a child that mean nothing.  For example, it's not uncommon for a diagnosis to be made of a child because they don't know what kind of prenatal care the birth mother received.  The name of the diagnosis sounds serious but in reality its only referring to the lack of information available and means nothing.  We also learned about the accuracy of the lab work performed in Russia, illnesses common and uncommon in that country and some other really helpful information.  As we sat there that morning we became very grateful for our past experiences and the education we had obtained as a result.  Quickly we were able to discern that the diagnoses the doctor was listing had very little or no significance.  Sasha is a very healthy little girl and it seems the doctors were desperate to make her appear unhealthy so she would be eligible for international adoption.  

Had we not been empowered by the knowledge we obtained in evaluating previous referrals, there's no doubt in our minds that we would have panicked that morning.  Instead we were able to process the information, move forward and enjoy the short time we had with Sasha that day.  God knew who our daughter was back in November when we started getting information on potential matches.  Even then He was going ahead of us and working out the details surrounding our first visit with our daughter.  Praise God for those trials that make us stronger, wiser and more dependent on Him.   

God Sightings: part 1

As Matt likes to say, if God were on trial there would be a guilty conviction based on one piece of evidence alone – all the fingerprints He’s left behind. Because there are just so many awesome God Sightings, I will share a new one with each post.

Sasha’s Name

When we received our third official referral of a little girl we were told her name was Alexandra. This referral came at a time when our hearts were very guarded so we really tried not to get excited. However, from the very beginning there were just too many things pointing to God that we could not deny. Back in December, 2008 my mom gave us a baby name book for Christmas. The following week we took a road trip to MN so we took the book along and were fantasizing over what names we liked. During that conversation I made the following comment to Matt: “you know a name I’ve always liked for a girl? Alex.” He agreed and we went on daydreaming about what our child may be called. To see her name brought this conversation back and served as one point of confirmation that this just might be the one we have been waiting for.

Shortly after we accepted the referral of Alexandra we learned that the short name for this in Russian is Sasha and that is what she goes by at the baby home. As I’ve mentioned previously we still don’t understand the correlation but so be it. We were struggling with this as we prepared to meet our daughter because we had become accustomed to the name Alexandra. After meeting her, the name Sasha just seemed to fit her but we were still skeptical. On the second day as we were making the 3 hour drive to go visit her I took a book along. I had started this particular book back in November but with everything going on had only read a little of it. This is kind of unusual because typically when I start a book I can’t put it down until it’s finished. Anyway, as we drove I began to read and only got about 10 pages into it before the author began reflecting on a story. The story was about a girl who was returning from camp and as she went to meet her dad realized she needed to go back to the bus and look for Sasha. She was frantic to find Sasha. The story went on about who Sasha was to this girl but for me it was confirmation. To be reading this part of this book on this exact day was no accident. This is not a popular or common name so for it to be in the book at all is surprising. I truly believe God knew back in November that we would be searching for an answer as we drove to see our daughter for the second time. Had I finished the book right away back in November more than likely I would have never even remembered these couple of paragraphs from this book that talked about Sasha.

So we will call her Alexandra Sasha Carr! When we told this to our facilitator in Moscow he was very puzzled and laughed. He couldn’t understand why we would use the same name for a fist and middle name. I guess it’s kind of like me being named Jennifer Jenny Carr. When I think about it that way I can see why it would seem strange. We explained that in America people are not going to understand why we call her Sasha if her name is Alexandra. While it probably wouldn’t have been our first choice, that is her name. When we pick her up at the baby home she will actually leave in clothes that we bring for her to wear. Since she doesn’t even get to bring a familiar shirt with her I think it’s only fair to let her have at least her name to cling to as we transition into a new normal. Already we are putting what’s best for our daughter before our own desires. Amazing how God instills that into a parent even before your child is born or brought home for the first time.

About Russia

It’s nice to be back in the U.S.A.! As excited as we were to travel there’s nothing better than coming back home to familiar sounds, sights, smells and foods. We spent our time in the actual city of Krasnodar which is part of Krasnodar Krai. That’s kind of like saying we live in Wichita which is in Kansas. Krasnodar is a fairly large city and overall modern. The buildings tend to be older brick buildings but you would often times see a nice, newly constructed, modern building in the mix as well. Here are some other observations we made during our stay that you may find interesting:

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  Fast food restaurants, or more specifically the lack of them. The only ones we saw were in the mall or at the airport. They are not on every corner like in the states. Sushi is very popular and we saw several restaurants for that along with a few other sit down restaurants. However, even these places were very localized and not a restaurant chain that you would see everywhere. We typically ate in a cafeteria style place attached to the hotel. They had coffee shops but it wasn’t like here where there’s a star bucks on just about every corner.  
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  The public transportation system either by bus or train is the most common means of travel and people walk everywhere! That said, the traffic in Krasnodar is still awful. What a bunch of chaos. There’s no way we would ever feel comfortable driving there and even at 1:00am when we arrived there was still plenty of traffic on the streets.  
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  It seemed like no matter what time of day it was or where you were at, the ladies always had their make up and hair done. In addition, they were always dressed nicely and they wear a lot of high heels. Even in the winter and snow, you will see them in their heels and often their boots are dressy and have heels, too. You never see a woman in sweats, tennis shoes and a hat. Women in hats is not an acceptable style in Russia. Also, a lot of the coats worn by women were fur or had fur on the cuff or hood. They seem to take a lot of pride in their appearance and beauty is important to them. The men were also very “put together” and since it was winter they usually had a hat on but it wasn’t a ball cap. They wore a hat typical to what you’ve seen in pictures and movies, big and furry with flaps buttoned on the sides or top. Another thing we noticed were that men often carried a bag or satchel with them. If you’ve ever seen the Seinfeld episode where he’s talking about the “man purse” you will find the humor in that observation.  
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  Probably due to the lack of fast food and large amount of exercise everyone gets, you don’t see people that are overweight. Everyone appears very active and fit. 
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  In Russia they drive on the same side of the street as we do in America. While most cars are the same as in the states, it’s not uncommon to see a car with the steering wheel on the right side. The other thing that’s very common in Krasnodar are the round-a-bouts. They have them everywhere so again, we were glad that we weren’t doing the driving. 
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  Their currency in Russia is the ruble and given the value of the dollar while we were there approximately 30 rubles equal $1. It was kind of shocking when we got our bill for our hotel and it was over $13,000. Once we did the conversion we realized it was approximately $450 which was a lot better.
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  Another unique thing we noticed was on our flights.  As soon as we would land the other passengers would all clap and give applause which I'm assuming was for the captain and symobizes a good flight.  We never were able to ask about this but found it very interesting. 

On our next trip we will be spending approximately three weeks in Russia. The first two weeks will be back in Krasnodar and the last week will be spent in Moscow. During the first two weeks we plan on taking a short trip over to the Black Sea area to visit the town where Sasha was born. Even though the baby home is in Armavir that isn’t where she was actually born. We are really looking forward to our time in Moscow. The place we will stay is close to Red Square so we will definitely get a family picture in that area.

Until then, we have a lot to do at home to get ready for Sasha’s arrival. We will keep doing updates on the blog of our preparations. If you sign up to follow our blog, I believe you will get an e-mail whenever there’s a new post. Thank you all for your prayers, interest and concern for our growing family. That means more to us than you will ever know.

Update: 03.19

Yesterday I asked for prayer since we were going to see Sasha for the last time today before we leave. Well, it’s often funny how God answers prayer, sometimes in the most unexpected way. Today was quite a day! As fast as our time went yesterday, it couldn’t go fast enough today. Sasha was tired today and fussy and cranky and we got to see a whole other side of her. Nothing unusual or unexpected from any 2 year old who just isn’t having a good day. I could tell immediately that things just weren’t going her way because she had on some tights and she kept pulling at them. I think any girl that has ever had to spend several hours in uncomfortable tights knows how cranky you can become! Plus she was very tired for some reason. Needless to say, after 1.5 hours of fussy behavior we were actually kind of ready to leave. Only problem is we left thinking, how are we ever going to be able to control her on the long plane ride home??? She has a very good understanding of Russian speech and doesn’t understand anything we say to her. When one of her care givers or our translator speaks to her she obeys very well but not so much when we try to tell her no. Overcoming the language barrier will be a big challenge for us especially on the way home. I do think once we get her out of the baby home and alone with us she will come to realize that we aren’t just people who come to play with her but people that she needs to obey and rely on.

As difficult as she was today, we still learned a few more things about her personality:

• If you explain to her why she can’t have something or do something she graciously obeys and doesn’t resist. But if you only tell her “no” then she tends to push the issue. She responds well to explanation and reason, she wants to know why.
• When she gets tired she sucks on her fingers.
• She responds very well to her care givers. There is a definite change in her behavior when the care givers come to get her. She immediately obeys and stops whatever she’s doing. She behaves very well and responds well to rules, routine and structure. We got information on what her schedule is like each day so we can try and maintain that at home.
• Today we introduced her to a pen and scribbling on paper. She thought that was very cool and spent most of her time doing that. I don’t know what she enjoyed more, the doodling or taking the pen cap on and off. It’s fun to introduce her to new things and seeing her reaction. I look forward to doing more of this next trip.
• She is very detailed and particular about things. There were some blocks in the room and she would stack them and take them apart in a very deliberate manner. She would place them in different areas of the room and you could just see her mind working as to where they were and exactly where she wanted to put them.

Well, tomorrow we head for home. It’s going to be a long trip but I think we are ready to get back. We have a lot to prepare and get ready for before we return n May. I suspect it will be mid-April before we learn when our court date is but our best guess is that it will be the first part of May. In the mean time we are waiting on the DOE to complete paperwork on their end and to issue a release on Sasha that allows us to adopt her. Once this release is issued a court date can be assigned. This release comes from Moscow so it can be slow in coming. Pray that there are no delays and things move expediently.

Update: 03.18

Today we had a really good visit with Sasha. We were able to spend about 1.5 hours with her this morning which seemed to go by very quickly. We were able to play with her and enjoyed getting to see bits of her personality come through today. It appeared like she remembered us from yesterday so she warmed up to us and interacted well. She laughed a lot playing peek with Matt and also liked to give a high five. We also traced her feet to get an idea of what size of shoe she wears and she loved that! We spent probably 5 minutes tracing her hands and feet after she insisted that we to do that again and again. As I mentioned the other day, we took a photo album with some pictures of us and the dogs. We look through it with her identifying us and the dogs by name several times while we’re there and she absolutely loves it. If she lays it down she goes right back to it and carries it around. Just like yesterday, she loves looking at Dudley and Sally. In one picture she pointed to Jenny and said “papa” which was kind of funny but also good that she is starting to see us as people who can take care of her. We played back some of the pictures we took of her on the camera and she loved that. She would point and say her name or “baby” and then she leaned in and kissed herself in the photo, it was priceless! I know you all would love to see the pictures but we aren’t sure if we can put them on the internet until she is officially our child. Hopefully we will have an answer to that soon and can share something but no promises. She is quite the 2 year old and full of energy. I’m not quite sure how we’ll entertain her on a 10 hour plane ride back to the states. I guess we have time to figure that out though.

Tomorrow it will be harder to leave knowing it will be several weeks before we see her again. Pray that our time is well spent and that we are able to have a peace about leaving her. We are really impressed by the baby home and the people taking care of her so that will help.

Update: 03-17

We left our hotel at 6:30 this morning to make the 3 hour drive to see Sasha. Today a social worker from the Dept of Family Services was there to supervise the visit. This is common on the first visit since this is the Dept that represents the child. Typically it’s just a worker from the office but for some reason today we got a visit by the director of the department herself. She was very nice but it was still pretty intimidating. We spent most of the time talking with the baby home doctor regarding Sasha and what information they have on her. We are very thankful that the information we received in our referral is accurate and she is healthy. She was outside playing with the other kids when we finally got to see her. Our first look of her was one of a little face peaking out of a bunch of clothes and a hat and scarf that covered a good portion of her face. She was adorable! Once inside they took the layers of clothing off and we got to play with her for about 30 minutes or so. It was pretty overwhelming but overall I think it went well. We were just starting to get comfortable around her and it was time to leave. Hopefully tomorrow we will have a little more time and can get to know her a little bit. We took some pictures of us and of the dogs for her to have. She really liked the pictures of Dudley and Sally and kept turning back to them and pointing at them. She even tried to repeat Dudley’s name to me at one point which was very encouraging. I know he would be a proud big “brother” if he were actually with her today! Sasha has quite the personality and a laugh and smile that would make anyone feel good; she’s ticklish, too which is what led to the laugh! All in all, she’s your average 2 year old with lots of determination and energy.  One other thing we realized once we got back and were looking at some video, she appears to be left handed which makes her daddy proud. 

In Russia they are at a baby home until 3 years of age. After the age of 3 they go to an orphanage. Neither one of us have ever been to an orphanage so we weren’t sure what to expect. The facility was very clean and kept up nicely. I had done some reading on the Krasnodar region and overall it is a region where the kids receive pretty good care. The kids are split up into groups by their age and each group has four care givers that work with them specifically. This is an answered prayer! I have been praying from the very beginning that our child would have consistent care givers because this can really help the attachment process later on. It was reassuring to see how well she was doing and how nice the living conditions were.

 

Update: 03.16

Today we met with the Department of Education and officially accepted the request to meet Sasha. The meeting lasted only about 10 to 15 minutes and the director of foster care and adoption only asked us a couple of questions. She mainly used the time to explain how “well” their program was doing domestically and that the children being adopted internationally will all have medical problems. Our facilitator did a great job of preparing us for this meeting so it was pretty much like we expected.

Originally we were told that we would go see Sasha today once our appointment was finished. However, play time at the baby home is from 10:00-12:00 in the morning. Because our appointment wasn’t until 11:00 we couldn’t get there in time today. While we were a little disappointed it was probably for the best. Given our travel mess it was nice to have the rest of today to do a little shopping, nap and have an early night. We went to some local shops and began our quest to pick up things that we will give to Sasha over the years to celebrate her gottcha day. One tradition we hope to start is that each year on her gottcha day we will give her a gift that is symbolic to or from Russia. While we aren’t going to push her to know or keep Russian culture or traditions, we still want to honor her birth country in some way.

Another thing we learned today is that in Russia they potty train children at the age of 1. We were so happy to hear that and are really appreciative of the baby home workers that helped in this process. We had good luck house breaking Dudley and Sally but were kind of unsure about how you do it with a child!

Update: 3.15.10

After a few really long days we finally arrived in Krasnodar at 1:00 am(local time) Tuesday morning. That was 60 hours later than our scheduled arrival that all started with weather delays in NYC. Our flight out on Saturday night was cancelled because of severe storms which caused delays along much of the east coast so we had to wait until Sunday night to catch another flight. The only problem was that they waited until 2:00am to make that decision known to the passengers. There were so many other flights cancelled earlier in the day that by then there were no vacancies at any of the nearby hotels. Thankfully we had met another couple traveling to Russia who had driven to NYC to catch their flight. Since they had a car, they invited us to go with them to find a place to stay for the night. About 4:00am we found a hotel on Long Island and were able to get six hours of good sleep before we had to be back at the airport Sunday afternoon. We are so thankful that this new friendship was forged. Had we not met them, we would have spent the night at the airport which wouldn‘t have provided much rest. After yet another long day of false information about the status of our flight and many food vouchers later, we finally left JFK at midnight on Sunday. Thankfully our original travel arrangements included a free day on Monday to get acclimated to the time difference and see the area. While we won’t be able to do that, it allowed us the extra day to deal with the travel nightmare and our time with Alexandra will not be affected.

The craziest thing about the delays was being surrounded by a lot of really angry Russian people. It was like a mob scene right out of a movie. They were all yelling, taking videos and pictures and making demands. Apparently they were primarily upset because the airline didn’t provide passengers with a place to stay once the flight was cancelled. On Sunday when we got back to the airport there was a news camera near the ticket counter which we thought was interesting. Cancelled and delayed flights are nothing new out of JFK. Then when we arrived in Moscow there was news camera there, too. We later found out that this whole ordeal was all over the papers, internet and TV in Moscow. Under the links tab is a link to the article that was in the local paper about our flight. This was definitely the most bizarre flight we have ever experienced. Hopefully the rest of the trip will be more enjoyable.

Paperwork Praise

The past two weeks we've been diligently working on getting all the documents needed for court either prepared or updated.  The biggest piece in question was an update to our home study.  Having these things ready so we can take them with us on our first trip is significant because it can speed up a court date.  We had kind of given up hope this past weekend when we still had no update and phone calls to the social worker were not being returned.  Then on Sunday around 9:00 pm we got a phone call at home, the update was completed!!  Today we got the green light from our agency that the update will be sufficient.  It appears that we have successfully gotten all the documents needed!  Such a HUGE relief and answer to prayer.  Now we can focus these last days on packing and getting ready to travel without having this burden hanging over us. 

On another note, until the adoption is final we have been asked not to put any specific information or pictures of the child on line.  We will try and send an e-mail or two while in Russia so you may get to see something that way but we aren't sure how much time we will have to do much e-mail and/or Facebooking while in the country.  We know our friends and family are excited and eager to see and hear more but you may have to wait just a little bit longer.  Thank you for caring and please continue to keep us in your prayers. 

A paperwork pregnancy

One aspect of parenting that I have not been looking forward to is going to places and activities with our child where other moms will be with their kids.  My experience has been that in those settings moms always begin talking about when they were pregnant and sharing birth stories.  When we decided not to have biological children I knew this would be a part of life that I wouldn't experience and quite honestly that was more than fine with me.  Needless to say, I don't have much to contribute and usually feel awkward when these dreaded conversations come up.   

I work in an office with some young moms and have shared a lot of details regarding our adoption journey with them.  It's been through these conversations that I have come to realize just how similar the process of adoption is to being pregnant when it's your first child.  I've determined that a first time pregnancy is the same regardless of whether it is a physical pregnancy or a paperwork pregnancy.  The fears, concerns, worries and doubts are all the same.  The joy, excitement, anticipation and fantasizing of your child's future are all the same. 

Adoption changes you.  We are no where near the same people that started this process sixteen months ago.  Experiencing these things that an expecting mother goes through has been a wonderful blessing and something I never expected to get out of this journey.  Because of this experience I just may have something to contribute to those conversations after all.      

A middle name????

Well, it has been a little over a week since we got the information we needed to make a decision on Alexandra.  While the days just fly by that day seems so long ago already.  Last night as we stood in the kitchen it dawned on us that in two weeks we will actually be spending time with her.  There are so many emotions happening all at once that it's hard to put this time into words. 

This past week has also been very overwhelming.  Every time I open up my e-mail it seems like there's another e-mail with more things that have to be done before we travel.  Buying our tickets was quite the event and took several days to work out.  We ended up paying more than we expected but at this point cost really isn't a big part of our decisions, praise God for providing.  It will be nice to get on that plane in only 10 days knowing there's nothing more that can be done at that point.  Maybe I'll actually relax a bit on the plane ride across the world....yeah right, who am I kidding?!?!

We also found out that in Russia the nick name (short name) for Alexandra is Sasha.  This is what she goes by at the orphanage.  I think we lose a lot in the translation of her name because it isn't obvious to me how you get that from Alexandra.  Assuming everything goes well and we move forward with her adoption, we will probably make this her middle name and call her by that name initially.   It felt really good to get another piece of information about her.  We are so eager to learn more about her: what she likes, doesn't like, what she smells like, how she sounds, what her touch feels like, what her hair feels like, what her laugh and cry sound like, her favorite toy, and the list could go on.  Soon we will know but in the mean time our minds tend to wander!